'(500) Days of Summer' offers a heartbreaking look at love

I wanted to see "(500) Days of Summer" when I first saw it advertised, but I put it off because I knew it wasn't a typical romantic comedy. In fact, a narrator at the very beginning of the movie says, "This is a story of boy meets girl...but this is not a love story."

*NOTE: There are some spoilers below.

Even with all that said, I still held out hope that the movie would have a happy ending. And in some ways, I guess it did even though it wasn't quite a typical Hollywood ending.

The movie really reminded me of a book I read years ago by Alain de Botton, called "On Love" (also marketed as "Essays on Love." I may not have ever made the connection except that the main characters in the movie happen to read a different book by de Botton. The book follows a relationship from the first glimpses to the miserable ending. And that's pretty much what "(500) Days of Summer" does as well.

In it Tom (Joseph Gordon Levitt) falls hard for Summer Finn (Zooey Deschanel) when she takes an assistant's job in the office where he works. He writes greeting cards, though he studied architecture. He is solely focused on Summer, but Summer tells him early on she's not looking for a serious relationship or a boyfriend.

The movie has an interesting format that allows viewers to see the stark contrast between a boy in love and a boy left empty after a break up. It starts in what turns out to be the middle of movie as Summer is telling Tom she doesn't think they should see each other anymore. And then it goes back to the first day he meets her. The movie moves back and forth between the time during their relationship and after the break up. There are also a few gimmicks in the movie that are supposed to help illustrate Tom's elation and despair, that I found to distract from the storyline.

Overall though, I thought it was well done and the lead actors were perfect in their roles.

Someone I know who saw the movie when it first came out said it was painful to watch, and at first, I thought he meant it was such a bad movie it was painful. But he meant it was painful to watch someone fall so madly in love just to have it unrequited. After watching the movie, I wondered if I have been more like Tom or more like Summer in my approach to relationships. Tom is completely open about his feelings, he falls fast and he sees only the good things about Summer. Summer is cautious with her feelings, and guarded. She seems scared of trusting someone enough to get hurt.

I think most people are probably a little bit like both Tom and Summer, depending on the situation. I have certainly felt strongly for people who clearly didn't feel the same for me - and in the middle of it every small gesture of kindness seemed like an unspoken declaration of love. Like one my best guy friends who used to hold my hand every time we went to clubs together because "it was crowded," but would stop speaking to me if I even broached the topic of how he felt about me. For a long time, the occasional hand-holding was enough. And then it wasn't and I moved on.

I've also been on the other side of things and it's hard to resist the lure of spending time with someone who thinks I'm great, even if my own feelings are a bit ambivalent. But unlike Summer in the movie, I don't think I've ever gotten quite so involved with someone when I knew the spark wasn't there. The last time someone confessed his feelings for me two years ago, I was interested in someone else and I told him I felt I owed it to myself to see how things panned out with the other guy. In the end, I lost his friendship and the other guy turned out to be ambivalent about me.

The most heart-breaking moment in the movie is when Tom realizes that after nearly two years of telling Tom she isn't interested in a relationship or having a boyfriend, he realizes she has gotten engaged to someone else. She tries to explain it to him, how she woke up one morning and she knew. Tom asks her what she knew, and she responds, "The thing I was never sure of with you."

I guess the thing that makes a relationship work is when both people end up on the sure side of things at the same time, and I hope someday I'll be there.