A rough bit of rejection

I guess it was bound to happen, but I never thought it would happen to me. I got rejected on Facebook. That's right. I sent a friends request to someone and got turned down. It was a first, and I have to admit, I was a little taken aback.

Rejection stings no matter what the circumstance. And its one of those things in life that is impossible to avoid - unless you chose to live as a hermit, in which case the rejection is still there, it's just self-induced.

In my life so far, I've been rejected by two universities. I was accepted to all the undergrad schools to which I applied except for the West Coast stand in for an Ivy League, Stanford. But the truth is, Stanford was my fifth choice at best so it didn't really matter. Northwestern University also turned me down for its graduate program in magazine journalism. I had my heart set on it, but pep talks from coworkers and friends quickly helped me to see the benefits of going to the University of Southern California - namely no snow in the winters.


I've been rejected for jobs by a handful of prospective employers, including a coffeeshop, a prep school and a local newspaper. But again, things turned out for the best when I landed at the Weekend Pinnacle with a publisher who was willing to coach me and who saw my potential long before I did.

Of course, like most people, I've been rejected in love a time or two, or dozen. Some of the rejections have been crystal clear as with the guy who opted to have another beer rather than walk me to my car at 1 a.m. Other times, it was a little murkier, like my grad school crush who called me three times a week to find out what our homework assignments were and talked with me for hours on the phone, and even held my hand once, briefly on the way home from a bar.

I have to admit that I've done my share of rejecting - the colleges that accepted me that I turned down, for starters. And the men whose advances I've spurned. I've even turned down quite a few job applicants in my time.

The thing with rejection is that in hindsight, it always works out for the best.

But I guess that is what perplexes me about the Facebook friends request rejection. I can't imagine a time I will look back and think it was for the best. In the scheme of things, Facebook is such a small thing, but that is perhaps what makes the rejection sting a little. After all, someone doesn't like me enough to be online acquaintances with me.

Once I got over the initial shock of the rejection, I did what any normal person would do. I sent out another friends request to an old grad school friend and within hours I got the message that we are now friends. After all, if there is one thing I've learned about rejection it's to get back up and try again. Someone's bound to say yes sooner or later.

The Facebook Facade

I had the rough workings of a post on Facebook rambling around in my head when I came across this CNN article yesterday, I swear. Ask my co-worker - I mentioned it to him on Monday. I probably wouldn't have happened across this article at all except I was using someone else's computer who happens to have CNN set as the homepage. The article basically breaks down Facebook users into 12 categories of annoyingness. I can think of at least one person on my list of 90 friends who fits into each category - some fit into more than one - and now I am paranoid that I might fit into some myself.

Am I the shameless self-promoter, as I have been posting links to my food and movie columns from the Weekend Pinnacle and links to this blog? I only started doing it at the request of friends who wanted a reminder when the columns go live. Am I the lurker since everytime I add a new friend, I check out their friends list to see if we might have mutual acquaintances.

I know which of the 12 annoying habits is my biggest pet peeve - let's just say my editor's eye is always open.

The thing that gets me about Facebook is not the top 12 grievances, but more that it creates this weird world of relationships that never quite materializes. Sure, I know when former coworkers are having a bad day, or if a friend had dinner out at a fancy Nashville restaurant over the weekend. I can check up on a crush discreetly to see if his status is still listed as single and I can chat for a few minutes with a friend from Ireland when our time zones meet at a convenient moment.

But looking over my list of 90 friends - not counting people I am related to or who work in my office - I have only seen two of those people in person in the last three months. Sure there are a lot of people who live out of the state or far enough away that regular visits are unexpected. But sometimes it feels like Facebook creates a false sense of intimacy. After all, I don't have to see people in real life if I can just check their status everyday and send a comment every once in a while.

I have to say I am a traditionalist, so I think it's time for me to step away from Facebook a bit and get back to interacting in the real world.

But for now, I have to log onto Facebook because I've got some crops on Farmville that need harvesting.